G.I.V.E. Get Involved, Volunteer in Education

Skills for Growing and Living

This is the sixth article in a six part series on the virtues of Building Assets by Rachel M. Loeper, Parents' Source, July 20, 2002.

"Children need not only food, clothing, and shelter but also purpose and principles to hold high and give direction and meaning to life."- Robert Coles, Ph. D., Psychiatrist, Harvard University.

There are so many tools young people need in order to thrive in this world.They need to develop strong values that guide the decisions they make, and they need skills and competencies that equip them to make informed decisions about relationships, themselves, and their future.

Search Institute, a nonprofit organization in Minneapolis, MN, has determined that the more values and social skills a child has, the more likely it is that he or she will grow up healthy.

Did you know?

Girls care more than boys. According a study conducted by Search, 82 percent of girls said that helping other people was important to them, and 73 percent said it was important in helping make the world a better place. For boys, the numbers were 60 and 57 percent, respectively.

Some parents need more information!

• Twenty-one percent of adults think their teens might have used marijuana, while 44 percent say they have.
• Thirty-eight percent of parents think their child has been offered drugs, while 59 percent say that they have been.
• Ninety-four percent of adults said they've spoken with their teens about drugs in the last year, while only 67 percent of their teens say that they remember such discussions!

How can we build more values?!

• Have children write thank-you notes or show their appreciation in some other way when they receive gifts, and you will enhance their sense of the "Caring" and "Interpersonal Competence" assets.
• As a family, discuss which issues of social justice are most important to you. Then, write to lawmakers and politicians or participate in marches or demonstrations to support your cause, and you will nourish your child's sense of the "Equality and Social Justice" asset.
• Talk to your children about the "Integrity" and "Honesty" assets, and define those terms simply. For example, living what you believe and telling the truth. Then, call their attention to times when their actions did not meet their beliefs, and celebrate when they do act with Integrity and Honesty.
• To foster the "Responsibility" asset in young children, create a chores chart. Don't nag or rescue them when they forget to do something, but let natural consequences occur. (Example: if they forget to bring their clothes to the laundry room, they will eventually run out of things to wear!)
• Make an agreement with your children before they find themselves in dangerous situations. Let them know they can call you if they are ever confronted with alcohol, drugs, or sex, and don't know what to do. Promise you will pick them up, no questions asked, provided they explain the situation to you the following day. This is a great way to enhance their "Restraint and Resistance Skills" asset.
• Celebrate cultural customs and rituals from your own heritage, and share those customs with neighbors and your children's teammates, friends, and classmates by inviting them over for a meal that features food from your ethnic heritage. Everyone who participates will develop a stronger sense of the "Cultural Competence" asset.
• Let children participate in planning family outings, family vacations, or church picnics to promote the "Planning and Decision Making" assets, or give teenagers full responsibility for preparing and serving dinner once a month.
• To initiate the "Peaceful Conflict Resolution" asset in your home, set up a Peace Place. This is a small, comfortable place for family members to go when they have a disagreement or conflict. Rules might be: (1) Go there if someone asks you; (2) Use respectful words; (3) Take turns talking; and (4) If the problem seems too great to solve yourself, get help.

Who modeled positive values and social skills for you when you were a young person? Do you remember the value of their examples? What young people in your life might be looking to you for similar examples? Which values do you feel you model well, and which ones are a little more difficult?

Food for Thought (Discuss the following questions with a few young people who might have their eye on you.) 1. What movie stars or cartoon characters do you like? What do they stand for? 2. How important is it to care for other people? Shouldn't we just try to do the best for ourselves? 3. What are some things you can do if you're in an uncomfortable situation involving violence, alcohol, drugs, or sex? 4. What do you hope to do in the next ten years? Five years? One year? What are some things you can do to make these goals a reality? 5. What do you look for in a friend? 6. What makes people different? Which differences matter most to you?

Some people think children are like sponges, who absorb their surroundings at a potentially dangerous rate. Let's give them a little more credit than that! However, if you are an adolescent or adult loved or respected by even one child, remember, they're watching you! For at least a few more years, what matters to you, will matter to them. Make it a message of love and acceptance.

A complete list of the 40 assets can be found on Parentssource.com. This article was submitted by Rachel M. Loeper of the Healthy Communities/Healthy Youth Initiative at United Way of Berks County. For more information on the 40 assets and the local HCHY initiative, contact Sharon Mast at the United Way, 610-685-4574 or sharonm@uwberks.org.

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