Art of the Clothesline
By Katie Beltramo

Use a clothesline to dry your clothes and the benefits go beyond that virtuous, environmentally aware glow. It helps set a routine (hang a load each morning, take down later that day) so that you won’t procrastinate until there’s a huge pile of dirty laundry and zero pairs of wearable jeans. Air drying is gentler on your clothing, and if you fold clothes as you take them down you’ll say goodbye to baskets overflowing with clean-but-wrinkled clothing. Hanging and taking down the clothes can be a relaxing, almost meditative task, plus it’s a way to move an indoors job outside. Children always seem more eager to play in the yard when a grown-up is out there, too. By the time you’ve completed your task they’ll be wrapped up in their play.
Clotheslines are available in a variety of styles. Umbrella or rotary clotheslines provide several different lines that rotate on a single pole. Retractable or foldable clotheslines are easy to install, and they’re a great option if space is limited or if you’d like to hang clothes in a space that’s sheltered or indoors.
When our house came with an ancient rusting pole and pulley, we thought we'd just buy the clothesline and a package of clothes pins and consider ourselves done.
It turns out that the art of the clothesline is simple to learn but difficult to master. Luckily, I have help from my elderly neighbor, Mary.
The first day:
Mary [rapturously]: Oh! You have a clothesline! Wonderful, wonderful! You’ll love it!
Mary’s husband [chuckling]: Now there are two of you in the neighborhood.
Next day:
Mary: Oh, Katie. . . it’s a little bit slack. . . you know, you should probably get one of those gizmos to tighten it up.
Katie: Yes, we realized that we needed it. We bought a turnbuckle, and we’ll put it up soon.
Shortly afterwards:
Mary [calling from her porch]: Oh, Katie! I have a little something for you. It’s for Mother’s Day, but it’s only a kitsch. What we used to call a kitsch. . . do you know what I mean?
Katie: I think so. Like, kitschy.
Mary [handing me a lovely gift basket with poofy tissue paper]: Here.
[Inside the gift bag, a huge bag of clothes pins that are far superior to the ones I'd purchased. Bigger, sturdier: just better.]
Next time, after we’ve tinkered once more:
Mary [looking apologetic]: Oh. . . that’s a little better. But maybe another kind of rope?
Katie: Yes, I think we realized that it’s too elastic. We’ve got another one, but my husband wants to re-do the whole thing, and I. . . .
Mary: I know. These poor men! You can’t mention it again for a little while.
Katie: Exactly. I’m driving him crazy.
Later that week:
Mary: Ah, that’s it! It looks great!
Katie: Thanks. It’s still hanging a little bit in the middle. . . .
Mary: You need a spreader! It will hold the two lines together. I think I’ve got an extra one. . . .
[Hours later, a metal spreader, at least 20 years old if it's a day, appears on the back steps.]
Next time, with the new rope and the new spreader:
Mary: Oh, perfect! You’re all set now! [pause] But, you know, Katie, you want to give your clothes a good shake before you hang them. [She makes two fists and pantomimes one vigorous snap of her imaginary clothes.]
A day or two later, while I am carefully shaking and then hanging items:
Mary [and you can tell that it pains her to say this, but it is for my own good]: Now, for those dress shirts, you might want to hang them up by the bottom. That way any marks from the clothespins will just be tucked into the pants.
A few days later, while I am hanging dress shirts upside-down after vigorously shaking them:
Mary [furrowing brow thoughtfully while inspecting my progress]: You know, Katie, if you’re not there when the washer stops, sometimes it helps to just toss them in the dryer for 5 minutes. Just to, you know, fluff them up a little bit.
Several days later I am hanging clothes on the line:
Mary [calling from her porch]: Oh, Katie! Excellent! You’re really getting the hang of it now!
I spend the rest of the day beaming with pride.

Katie Beltramo, a mother of two, writes at www.capitaldistrictfun.com and enjoys possibly the best neighbor in the world.