Talking to Your Kids About Alcohol

By Beth Walsh Eriksen

     Television ads coach us on talking to our children about making the decision not to smoke before the opportunity presents itself with peers.  We need to do the same when it comes to alcohol. In the 2004 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 10.8 million respondents between the ages of 12 and 20 reported consuming alcohol in the past month.  That figure represents a third of children in that age group, 65% of those who admitted they drink reported getting alcohol from family and friends.  Clearly, tweens and teens are facing this issue in their social lives, and it is the wise parent who begins to give information and support before the question comes up in their circle of friends.

How to Start the Communication
The Century Council is a not-for-profit agency dedicated to fighting drunk driving and underage drinking.  In a pamphlet titled How To Talk To Your Adolescent About Alcohol (available at www.centurycouncil.org), they suggest you give it your A.L.L. to combat underage drinking with the following three-step process:

Ask – ask your child about his views on drinking.

Listen – listen carefully to his answer, and don’t criticize his views.  Make it a discussion, not a debate or lecture.

Learn – learn from each other.  If you’ve followed steps one and two, you have initiated a conversation.  In addition to giving you a forum to pass on what you know about alcohol, you have also created an atmosphere where your child feels safe discussing the issue with you.

“I find the best opportunity to discuss important topics in a non-confrontational way is in the car,” suggests Ellyn E., a mother of two children, ages 12 and 13.  “I now see my ‘chauffeur role’ as a blessing because it gives me one-on-one time with each of my kids.  While making the 15-minute drive to the soccer field we can talk about heavy subjects…  The time limit seems to make the conversation go more smoothly, and I can hit the high points quickly.  Oftentimes, my kids will come to me later to discuss something I brought up in the car.”

How Much Should I Say?
Once you’ve found the opportunity, don’t beat around the bush.  Give clear information about drinking alcohol, including physical reactions, loss of mental control, and even possible death from overdose.  Stress the fact that chemicals change the way you think and act.  Remind your child about DUI’s, date rape, and fatal car accidents.  Make sure they know that even “good” kids can get in trouble when they add alcohol.  It is, after all, a drug.

If you have alcoholism in your family, don’t assume that the child is learning to abstain because a loved one has hurt him in the past.  “I hated that my mom got drunk every night,” declares 13-year old Katie, a member of Ala-teen.  “But when my friends stole some vodka from their parent’s liquor cabinet, I drank it with them anyway.  I didn’t think about how stupid that was until Saturday at my meeting when I told a friend.”  Alcoholism is a family disease.  If a parent, uncle, or sibling had cancer, you would help your child understand the disease.  Do the same for alcoholism.  Too often, we deny or evade talking about it to avoid pain.  This is a mistake – especially once a child has become old enough to be approached with liquor by his peers.  Your secrets will keep your family sick, and their unspoken messages are often repeated by the next generation.

What If I’m Too Late and My Child Already Has a Problem?
Ideally, you will talk to your children about underage drinking before they are confronted with the opportunity to drink alcohol with their peers.  However, if your child has already begun experimenting with alcohol or other drugs, seek help.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking that it is just a phase or worrying about what your child will think of you.

“I didn’t want anyone to know about Tommy’s drinking,” says Millie P.  “I saw his grades slipping, and I couldn’t get him to come home on time, but I wanted him to think I was still a cool mother, so I didn’t make a big deal about it.  When he was in a car accident with an older boy driving drunk, I realized I needed to get him some help.”

Tweens and young teens are still crying for healthy boundaries.  Help them succeed in life by stepping in and being their parent.  Heaven knows, they have enough friends.

Beth Walsh Eriksen is a freelance writer who has published numerous parenting articles throughout the United States and Canada. Beth makes her home on the Treasure Coast of Florida with her two beautiful children.