First-Time Mom...for the Fifth Time

By: Jessica Fisher

    After a wild 10-mile ride, while I panted and moaned, my husband pulled up to the Emergency Room with a police car flourish, parking crooked in front of the entrance. He ran to get a nurse, “My wife’s going to have a baby any minute.” The young nurse calmly walked out with a wheel chair. “It’s ok, sir. Is this her first baby?” “No!  It’s our fourth!” At that moment, the nurse lost her confident demeanor. Even in transition, I recognized her panic. She knew a multipara, or woman who has given birth more than twice, was likely to deliver quickly. She absolutely did NOT want to have that woman, me, deliver in her ER.

    One might think that repeating a monumental experience several times, like having a baby, would make me an expert. However, these pregnancies continue to surprise me. My friends laugh when I tell them the story of our crazy trip to the hospital. I had waited longer than was comfortable for the hospital staff because I really didn’t know I was in labor. Really. My first three deliveries had all started and progressed in the same way, although not at the same speeds. This fourth labor began differently, manifesting different symptoms, and at a quicker rate than before, so it took me by surprise. Needless to say, we are glad we made it to the hospital, even if it was with only fifteen minutes to spare. 

    The surprises haven’t stop with childbirth. As the mother of four boys and a baby girl, I would have expected infancy and toddler hood to progress in similar ways, especially for my kids who are the same sex. But, as the saying goes, all children are different. I can say that I have learned something new every time.

    Even as the mother of five children, I can assert with confidence that I am no expert. Yet, I see the things that I have experienced have colored my perspective on motherhood and having babies today. I present these, not as “expert advice” but as suggestions from someone who has been there.

    Bargain shop. When pregnant with my first child, I searched through every specialty shop in town for the stroller/car seat system with the most uniquely patterned fabric. I thought I just had to have it. I didn’t want the generic print from the discount department store. It was only a few months later when I realized that the extra money I spent could have bought a lot of diapers.

    Don’t think that the baby has to have the best and newest of everything. Research and choose wisely. Am I saying you can’t buy new? Absolutely not. But, know that a few years, or even just months down the road, there may be an unexpected need or more important desire that arises and not enough funds to make it possible. If you can purchase items on sale or secondhand, do it! The quality is about the same since babies don’t usually wear things out.

    An exception to this is the car seat.  You should never buy a used car seat since even a crash with no injuries can compromise the structure of a car seat – not knowing the history of your car seat is a risk you cannot afford to take.

    When I was expecting our first girl, my desire for “NEW” was great: new crib bedding, new cushions for the glider…. My husband wisely reminded me that much of what we already had would do for a girl just as well as it did for a boy. Try not to get swept away by the “gotta haves.” Parenthood is full of opportunities to forego instant gratification.

    Share your maternity clothes. The small fortune you spend on clothes that will get little wear may create the temptation to hoard them away for your next pregnancy. Try to fight it. First, by sharing your stash, you will bring great relief to a friend quickly growing bored with the maternity items she has. Second, fashions go by so quickly, you may find out, like I did, that the dress you absolutely loved a few years ago just isn’t going to cut it this time around.  If you anticipate another bundle of joy in your future, certainly save the classic pieces, but feel free to share with expectant friends in the meantime.  Chances are they will return the favor during your next pregnancy. 

    Have a teachable heart. For some reason, when my first child was born, I thought I knew everything about baby care. I was resistant to my mother’s input, intent on “making my own mistakes.” Even in the hospital I failed to heed instruction. Neglecting to watch their nursing information videos or read the handouts (they didn’t have lactation nurses back then), I missed out on valuable information while my baby missed out on important regular feedings.  Thankfully, I read those handouts once I got home and strove to make up for lost time. If I had been a little more humble and willing to learn, I could have avoided a lot of guilt and panic as well as painful engorgement.

    Be open minded. A natural companion to a teachable heart is an openness to hear opinions contrary to ours. Breast or bottle? Crib or Co-sleeping? Cloth or disposable? Parenting is rife with controversy. Get used to it. Better yet, approach it with grace. Sound parenting principals include feeding a baby well, keeping him clean and warm, and ensuring him a safe place to sleep. HOW we choose to apply these principals will vary from family to family. Allow those around you the freedom to make their own choices and not feel judged by it.  Offer feedback and explain why you’ve chosen what you do. For your part, focus on achieving the sound principals of baby care rather than feeling judged and defending your own methods.

    Enjoy the moment. Those little old ladies in the grocery store are correct – the time flies too quickly. While I feel like I’ve been a mom only a short nine years, my husband soberly pointed out that our time with our oldest could be half over! If he leaves home for college or work at age 18, I only have nine more years to enjoy having him under our roof.

    Drink the joyful cup of parenting dry! Yes, there will be challenges. There may even be moments when you ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” But, oh, the delights of childhood! Cuddle your baby even though there is laundry to fold. Read stories with your toddler though there may be calls to make. Cherish the giggles of your little ones.  Enjoy your baby and the memories you have to make.

 Jessica Fisher is a freelance writer living near Kansas City.  She and her husband, Bryan, have the privilege of raising and learning from their five children.