By Belinda Mooney, Parents' Source, July 20, 2003.

If you have children, then sooner or later you will hear - "But everyone does it!" It may be something as simple as going to the local skating rink. It may be dealing with something more serious like smoking cigarettes.

Our children are going to be exposed to all kinds of ideas and opportunities that we do not want them to take part in. They are going to have to make choices while being bombarded daily by what their friends and schoolmates are doing. We, as parents, need to equip them to stand on their own two feet and not cave in when the peer pressure is to do wrong.

There are several ways we can help our children stand strong. First, we can help them to be self-confident. Encourage them in their school, work and play. Give them a sense of self worth. If they know we love and support them, then half the battle is often won. As adults, our self-confidence gives us a much stronger sense of inner strength. This works for our children as well. Confident kids can walk away from a bad situation more easily then those who lack confidence.

Teach them to choose their friends wisely. This is something we tell them often, but explain how important this is as they grow older. If they stay away from peers who smoke, do drugs or have sex then they will be less tempted to participate in those activities. Encourage them to find friends with similar interests, whether it be sports, a particular hobby or even the same religious faith.

This leads to the next way to stand firm against the crowd. Help them find friends with the same ethical standards. Sometimes it is easier to be brave with someone standing at your side to support you. This gives them the added comfort of having someone who understands, especially if the person's parents have the same standards as yours.

Role-play situations that your children could encounter. Get your teens to "think out" situations ahead of time. A game of "What if" and then choosing options wisely gives your child a game plan. This way they already know in their minds what to do in a particular situation and don't have to make last-minute decisions that could be unwise.

Letting our children know they can talk to us no matter what gives them a place to turn. Help them to find an adult they can trust in places such as school or at sports activities when you aren't around. Let them know that going to an adult can help keep them from doing something they may regret later. Give your child an "out" through you. My children know that they can always say, "My mom won't let me do that." without even asking me. That way the blame's on me, and it takes the pressure off of them.

Teach them to walk away from rough situations or groups of kids. If there are teens smoking in the school parking lot, don't even go over there. You can't be pressured if you're not there. If they do end up in a group that wants to do something wrong, they need to know the best course of action is to leave.

Also, remember peer pressure has an up side. Hanging around good kids can keep them on the right track. Get your children involved in things they like. Music lessons, sports, spiritual youth groups and Scouts are all good options. Keeping them busy and occupied allows less time for just hanging around.

Most importantly, know where your children are and who their pals are. Today, too many kids, especially teens, are allowed to roam the malls and streets with no purpose whatsoever. All children need curfews and limits. Make sure you know where they are and whom they are with - always; this will be your first line of defense in helping them cope with problems around them.

Finally, tell them often that you love them. Explain that they may not always like your rules, but rules are there because you care for them and want to keep them safe. They may not appreciate it now, but some day they will.

Belinda Mooney has written for over 40 parenting publications and is a mother of seven.

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