Kids Get Stressed Out Too!

By Vincent J. Morello, Ph.D., Parents' Source, July 20, 2002.

Want a surefire way to send your child or adolescent into an immediate emotional tailspin? Repeat these words aloud to him. "These are the best years of your life." Your offspring either will become unglued or whipped into a laughing frenzy. Perhaps never in history has childhood and adolescence required higher doses of stress inoculation. How do we know? Among young people ages 15 - 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death. But, there is an easier way to discover how young people feel. Walk into any classroom and ask adolescents how many feel overly stressed. Look to see if anyone keeps their hands on their laps. There won't be many.

So, why are our youngsters so stressed? You may be surprised to uncover some interesting differences between adults and young people regarding stress. One difference is that the events involving 9/11 and national security do not affect young people with nearly the anxiety they affect adults. Younger people are less concerned with global issues than issues affecting them directly. My informal polls of junior and senior high school students show that lack of time is their greatest source of stress. Like adults, young people have too much to do and too little time to do it in. How can this be? For starters, gaining acceptance at competitive colleges is no longer simply a matter of earning good grades. Colleges now require evidence of leadership, community service, sports, and well-roundedness. In addition to coursework, all these activities take time!

Virtually all youngsters complain vehemently about bullying and shameful name-calling in school. What's worse is they believe adults are powerless to stop it. To a certain extent, they may be right. Most bullying occurs in hallways, bathrooms and schoolyards where adults cannot see and hear it. It would be a rare youngster who does not identify bullying as a significant source of stress. Bullying appears to be at its zenith between grades 6 - 9. Elementary school students are presented with other sources of stress at even earlier grade levels. It is not unusual for 4th and 5th grade students to develop anxiety symptoms about their scholastic or academic performances. An unappreciated fact is that emotionally sensitive youngsters develop anxiety symptoms if they think their teachers or coaches do not like them, even when the opposite is true! Many classrooms are organized into well formed cliques by 4th grade, leaving the less socially adept students feeling out of place.

Perhaps most damaging is that family and community affiliations which formerly supported young people are eroding as resources. As a result, when youngsters are upset they have no place to turn but internet chat rooms. Mom, Dad, the friendly neighbor, the grocer, and the firefighter no longer are visible and available supports for after-school assistance. An unrecognized stressor is that young people do not have the amount of rest and sleep which they enjoyed only a generation ago. Many young people stay awake long past their bedtimes, watching the TV and playing electronic games available in their own bedrooms. Lack of proper rest only adds to stress, particularly for adolescents who need more sleep than adults. Sleep deprivation among young people soon will be a target of public health campaigns.

In his recent book, entitled "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy!", author Michael Bradley, Ed.D. notes that the age of onset of pubertal changes can be early as 6- and 7-years old. At the same time, the media exposes youngsters to graphic sexual images at younger ages. Dr. Bradley calls this the "mental sexualization" of youngsters. Young teens have many difficult choices to make about sexuality. Confusion about sexuality at tender ages has never been so rampant.

Identifying stress in youngsters can be difficult, but not impossible. Marked changes in behavior such as the usually outgoing teen who now keeps to herself or the even-tempered teen who is now moody and standoffish are signalling the development of stress. Many young persons develop an "I don't care" attitude when under stress: not caring about grades, friends, outside activities, or even their appearance.

Identifying stress in youngsters can be difficult, but not impossible. Marked changes in behavior such as the usually outgoing teen who now keeps to herself or the even-tempered teen who is now moody and standoffish are signalling the development of stress.

Experts suggest parents talk to their kids who are stressed. While that is a desireable approach, many young people do not want to discuss problems with their parents. Instead, these young persons might speak to a trusted adult such as a family friend or guidance counselor. Calling the Berks Talkline at 1-800 472-TALK or CONTACT Lancaster Helpline at (717) 299-4855 may be equally helpful. Some youngsters do need professional assistance, however. Whenever a young person speaks about ending his life, it is time to suspect that stress has turned into depression. Individual or family therapy can be of immense benefit in these situations. Some depress-ed youngsters improve markedly from a brief trial of antidepressant medications.

Lastly, understand that youngsters are beset with constantly changing demands, many more than adults encounter on a daily basis. Emotional upheaval is a given in adolescence, and sometimes parents who patiently wait for an end to a crisis will be the most successful.

Vincent J. Morello, Ph.D., practices with Berks Psychological Services in Wyomissing.

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