By Meyrah Cann, Parents' Source, July 20, 2001

It never fails - whenever my children are ailing, you can be sure whatever the problem, the only thing I will be able to find in the medicine cabinet is an out-of-date bottle of thick cherry medicine residue. The one thing that has pulled me out of many fixes is my creative imagination. I have conjured up cures for everything imaginable. Once while we were camping, Kaitlin, my daughter, got a headache. I was so proud of myself for remembering the first aid kit. After finding it under sleeping bags, dirty socks, and wet bathing suits, I remembered that in prior "emergencies" I had borrowed all ten single-serving aspirin packages, which I had promised myself I would replace at a later date. So I hurried off to the camp store - they have everything. Well, in this case it had everything an adult would need, but certainly no children's pain relievers. The only thing in sight for kids was a package of fruit-flavored candy, so I bought them. Remembering the orange-flavored baby aspirins from my childhood, I fished out a piece of orange-flavored candy. These things were the size of horse pills, and I thought Kaitlin would never buy it. Well, to my surprise, she did, and not only that, they worked instantaneously upon passing her lips - surely the miracle cure!

Bedtime has become the prime time for ailments in our house. I'm sure my quick thinking has frustrated my kids, the masters of "bedtime procrastination." For instance, one night it was the incredibly itchy yet invisible rash. The cure for that was to apply 2% milk in a circular motion. If you are out of milk, any non-sticky liquid will do - I've even used soy sauce. I say non-sticky liquids only, because I once used honey in an emergency with unfortunate results. While honey is a good remedy for a sore throat, as a topical ointment, it only attracts flies.

Then there was the mysterious floating pain-in-the-joint. One night this ache was in my daughter's leg, the next night it was in her shoulder, then her hand, and then her foot, but wherever it was, the cure was cream - any cream. It could be hand lotion, face cream, hair conditioner, or petroleum jelly. Basically, the key to any good remedy is to come up with a really great story about its amazing powers, and maybe throw in a good personal experience from your childhood. But for goodness sake, never, and I mean never, let your kids see where the secret ingredients come from or it's all over. I'd like to emphasize that placebos are only good for very minor ailments, aches, or pains. In the event of a major catastrophe, let's say, your child nearly cuts off his finger, by all means, see a doctor immediately.

Parents, like doctors, are expected to be "on call" day and night. Once at 2 o'clock in the morning, I was awakened with a request for one of my home remedies. Although I was tired, I realized that the kids were really seeking comfort from me and my silly stories. It then dawned on me how good it feels to know that the medicine I'm giving my kids is not just comforting to them, but also warms my soul.

This tongue-in-cheek short story is from an unpublished collection of personal accounts submitted by Meyrah Cann entitled, Whatever I Did, I Didn't Do It. On a serious note, please never use placebos if your child is dealing with a matter that requires real medical attention.

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