26 Ways to Annoy Your Children

This is a revenge essay. Before school ended in the spring, my son wrote an ABC book. The students could choose any topic they wanted as long as they came up with 26 things. Mine decided to write "26 Ways to Annoy Your Mom." There are many, many more, but here are 26 of my favorite ways to annoy my children.

A – Always serve spinach, occasionally with a side of mushrooms.

B – Broil fish. Enough said.

C – Cuddle them in public. Singing a favorite lullaby also works well.

D – Drone on about how totally rad the 80s were. Like, they, like, totally were.

E – Eat the last cupcake. Also, lick the frosting off their cupcakes. They hate that.

F – Fail to wash their soccer socks three times a week or on command.

G – Gush over their dimples when their friends come by.

H – Hug your husband and call him "Babe."

I – Invite the boy or girl that they like over for the afternoon, and cue up Barry White.

J  - Just say no – to Poptarts.

K – Kiss them hello after baseball practice.

L – Limit Nintendo DS use to times when it is convenient for you.

M – Move the chips to the top shelf.

N – Never give extra chocolate sauce. 

O – Order broccoli as a replacement for fries.

P  - Punish them with chores; start with poop-scooping.

Q – Quit buying bread that is softer than your pillow.

R – Remind them to pick up their rooms. Again.

S – Sing along to the radio during carpool.

T – Talk about puberty, anytime, anywhere.

U – Understate how long it’ll take if they come to Walmart with you.

V – Voice your concern for their safety. Over, and over, and over, and over…

W – Withhold allowance.

X – Xerox their baby pictures and decoupage them onto their lunch boxes.

Y – Yodel.

Z – Zing them with retaliatory comments in a public forum.

Lela Davidson’s writing appears in magazines throughout the country. She is the Editor of
ParentingSquad.com and the parenting columnist on HubPages.com. The worst way she ever tortured one of her children was by singing "You are My Sunshine" in the hallway at school. Her kindergartener never grinned so big. Read more at AfterTheBubbly.com.